Elliot's Birth Story - Part 1

It still seems so surreal! 

a) I can't believe he's actually here

b) I can't believe how perfectly his delivery day went

The weekend before Elliot made his arrival Kain and I were heartbroken thinking that his birth mom (we will refer to her as B from here on out) had changed her mind about her adoption plan.  Our last conversation with her had been cut short and we had way more questions than answers, but to us the writing was clear.  We couldn't understand why we were facing a third failed adoption and spent most of the weekend with teary eyes and heavy hearts.  

And then Monday happened. 

On Monday April 13th, we heard from our social worker that everything was still on track, that what had transpired over the previous few days was only a miscommunication, and that we should expect to hear from B soon.

B sent me a text later that day to say that she had a doctor's appointment the next day (Tuesday) and would let me know the outcome - she was hopeful that they could plan an induction for sometime in the next few days.  She was getting pretty uncomfortable, and I think the weight of her adoption plan was beginning to wear on her.

The next afternoon we heard from B again - she told us that they were going to induce her the next morning and she asked what time could we be there!!  

To say that we were elated, terrified, humbled, gracious --- all of that would be an understatement.  We were all of that times a million!! Plus more!! 

We spent Tuesday afternoon and evening in a state of mild panic :)

Kain still needed to finish our taxes (he's the president of the procrastinator's club!!), I had the sudden urge to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!! Plus we had to pack, install the car seat base, figure out what to do with the dog, call everyone we knew, and, and, and....

We woke up early on Wednesday, really early, and headed out of town to the hospital where we were going to meet our son!  The drive was uneventful, we did a lot of chatting about anything except what was about to happen.  We talked to our parents, I texted with my girlfriends, we stopped for coffee. 

In the parking garage at the hospital.  Our last picture of us as a family of 2!!

When we got to the hospital it was about 9:30.  B and her boyfriend were already in her room, the Pitocin was running, she was comfortable, and we began to settle in to the rhythm of this crazy, happy, beautiful day.

Kain and I both stayed in her room, trying not to stare at her like we were waiting for her to pop!  I had seen her a few times since our initial meeting - she had invited me to attend some doctor visits with her, but it was the first time since January that she and Kain had spent any time together.  It was good for us all to be able to chat, to laugh, to get comfortable with each other.

At her first check, she was 3 centimeters dilated.  Not too bad for being a few weeks early!  The plan was just to keep an eye on her and keep increasing the Pitocin.  

My mom and sister showed up, Kain's mom and little brother showed up too.  It was so great to have their support.  So wonderful to know that there were others on our side.  I sent some texts to my girlfriends and one responded with "People you don't even know are praying for you right now,"  I couldn't help but cry at that thought.  The thought that this family we are a part of, the family of God, had our back.  How amazing.

Kain and I left around lunch time to stretch our legs and fill our bellies.  We met up with my mom and sister.  Filled them in on the updates.  I gave my lunch to my sister - too nervous to eat.

When we went back up, a midwife came in and said that in an hour or so, they would check B again and potentially break her water in an effort to move things along.  Excellent plan!

The hour came, the midwife checked her - still only 3 centimeters.  Whomp whomp.  They broke her water, and upped her Pitocin.  Fingers crossed for progress soon. 

B remained in a very upbeat mood right up to this point.  The increase in Pitocin and the broken water must have kicked things into overdrive.  She started complaining of a lot of back pain, and pressure.  She made it an hour before she asked someone to check her again.  When they did - everyone's mood sank when we heard, only 4 centimeters.  All the expectation, all of her moaning and writhing and complaining of severe pressure and already feeling like she could push - and she had made hardly any progress.  You could see the disappointment on her face.

That was 4:00.  Things continued in the same fashion for the next hour and a half of so.  I rubbed B's back with a bag of ice - to help with her back labor and because she was so very very hot even though the thermostat said it was 64 degrees in the room.  At 5:45 she declared that she couldn't do it any more and wanted an epidural.  Her nurse came in, and reassured her, and increased her Pitocin again, and introduced her to the next shift's nurse - Rosie.  Rosie is my hero.  We should have named Elliot "Rosie" instead.  

Her day nurse, Lauren, was so/so.  I am a nurse, so I'm slow to judge other nurse's performances.  I know that no one but her knows what all she has going on at that exact moment.  But I still feel that there is a certain expectation for general kindness and tolerance.  Especially of laboring women.  And Lauren was lacking that.  She was cold and unfriendly.  And not very helpful unless people were watching closely.  Thumbs down to her. 

But Rosie, Rosie we loved.  Rosie listened, Rosie cared, Rosie trusted her patient's instincts. 

Rosie called right away for anesthesia to come in and set up for an epidural.  She explained that hospital policy is for no visitors during the epidural placement so we all - Kain and I, and B's boyfriend, would have to step out for about 20 minutes.  When we came back, B would be much more comfortable, and we could continue as we had been.  Everyone understood and agreed. 

B's boyfriend left then to go find something to eat, promising to be back soon.  Kain said he was getting restless so he was going to go for a walk.  It was just the two of us.  B and me.  I was still rubbing her back with a (mostly melted now) bag of ice.  Reassuring her that she was doing so great.  Watching her monitor so I could tell her when her contractions were starting to ease up.  At this point, they were practically non stop.  She was miserable.

When Rosie came back in, I asked if anyone would check her before they started the epidural.  B had been saying for some time now that she felt like she could push.  She was having so much pressure.  Rosie said that they probably wouldn't check her, since her water was broken and they had just checked 90 minutes ago - they would wait a little longer.  She told me it was time for me to step out of the room.  I told B I would be just downstairs and would come back as soon as I could to help her some more. 

I took the elevator down to the waiting room and found my family.  I sat and talked with Kain's mom and updated her on the progress.  Kain had gone to our car to get his phone charger.  Too much texting had killed his battery :)

I had just settled in, legs curled up under me on a vinyl upholstered bench when a familiar face popped out of a stairway - I'm not sure what exactly her role was, Nurse Aide? Scrub Tech? I don't know.  And I don't know her name, but I'll never forget what she said,

"You're Kate, right? We gotta go! It's time!!"

I jumped up, I have no idea what I said or what I did except I hustled up those stairs!  We rushed into B's room and there she was, her bed had been broken down, she was laying with her legs up, a flurry of people, bright lights... It was baby time!

Apparently Rosie, like I said, had listened to her patient and agreed to check B before the started the epidural because she was so uncomfortable.  B said that she didn't even need to actually check her - she could see the baby's head!  Like I said - we love Rosie.

B did awesome, she pushed only for a few minutes, and I was there the whole time.  I watched her bring him down and out and into the world, I watched him breathe his first breath, I cut his umbilical cord, I stood by his crib as his nurse dried him off, weighed him, and wrapped him up in a blanket.

I held onto his tiny fingers as he screamed, I whispered to him that I was there, hoping that it might bring him some comfort.  And as I said to him,

"we've waited so long for you"

the tears fell.  I couldn't contain the months of waiting, and anxiety, and fear, and joy, and hope.  They poured out in sobs and sniffles.  His nurse handed him to me and right that minute, my heart welcomed him in.  He was mine. Ours.  Our son.  Our Elliot.

Holding my son for the first time!! 

There's more to this story -- stay tuned to find out what happened next!