Big Changes

I'm sure it's no surprise that doing the "mom thing" is like a dream come true.  I mean, pursuing parenthood has been my main goal for years now.  Literally, years.

During my single days (I was 27 when Kain and I got married) and my early married days and my recently married days for that matter, I always thought "what if it never happens?" And I felt like I needed a backup plan.

Enter nursing.

Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to be a nurse!  And I worked HARD to get that degree.  And I poured myself into my work.  I gave nursing everything I had.  Somedays I gave it too much.  I would come home deflated and depleted and exhausted and empty.  I worked a minimum of three 13 hour shifts a week.  That's assuming I got out on time.  I was usually home by 8ish, and still had to eat supper, shower, and spend some amount of time with my hubby.  Most nights, Kain can attest, that I was asleep on the couch by 8:27.  When I worked days in a row, Kain and I were just warm bodies sharing a mattress.  No conversations.  No intimacy.  No connection.  I had nothing to offer him - my patients needed all of me.  All of my kindness and patience and energy and every ounce of my brain power.  They deserved it! They were sick, dying sometimes.  They had no one else who could do for them what I did.  Nurses are awesome.  We are superheroes.  We do things that no one else can, should, or will do.

And once Elliot was born I got scared.  I was afraid that I would have nothing to offer him at the end of a long shift.  And that just didn't settle with me.

So I gave up my secondary dream of being a nurse.  And it's the best thing I've ever done.

I'm working some part time hours for Kain now, doing office work and accounting (humble brag - I'm a math genius) for his business.  I take Elliot with me, Kain's mom is there too to help me out with the baby.  Some days I work from home.  It's ideal!!  I would love to not have to worry about working at all, but - come on, living ain't free!

So that's what new with me - I'm still technically a nurse.  In fact, I just renewed my license.  And someday, probably - maybe (?), I will go back to nursing.  But for now, I'm as close to a stay-at-home mama as I can get and I'm loving. every. minute.

xo