The Call

I have been trying to come up with what to say for days.

I've been stuck ... 87% terrified that writing it all out would be too scary 13% unsure of how to say it

{rough estimates}

*****

It's been 3 weeks and 5 days since we got the call.

It was not at all how I had imagined it would be.  Expectations will do that to you...

It was a Friday, I was at work.  It was a super busy day in the hospital and by 2 pm I still hadn't had a chance to stop for a lunch break.  When my grumbling stomach and my sanity couldn't take it any more I headed for our little break room and pulled out my purple lunch box.

I was mindlessly playing on my phone, the break room television was playing, and I was eating cucumbers and hummus.

The phone rang.

It was a number that I didn't recognize.  I answered.

"Kate?  Hi this is Kim...."

And I knew.  Our social worker, Rachel, had mentioned that when we had been matched with a birth mother, Kim would be the one to call.  

"I'm calling to let you know that you have been picked by a birth mom! Not that I'm surprised because your profile is 'awesome'!" 

All I could get out was, "What??"

Kim continued that the birth mother from an "opportunity" that we had responded to (I mentioned these in this post) had selected our profile and wanted to meet and get to know us!  She asked when we would be available and I responded with "tomorrow should be fine"

We talked for a few moments, with an expectation that Kim would contact the birth mom and call me back with details about when and where to meet.  

I immediately called Kain, "Hey do you have any plans for tomorrow?" 

"No I don't think so, why?"

"Want to go meet a birth mom?"

"What??"

"We got picked!!"

We laughed and talked for a few minutes and before we hung up, Kain said, "how do you expect me to get any work done now??"

I felt the exact same way.  I was so excited!  I couldn't finish my lunch, so I went back to work.  I tried to sit down and do some charting, but my hands were shaking, and my stomach was flipping around, and my head was spinning, and I couldn't stop smiling.  I barged into my managers office and blurted out what was happening.  She was so kind and supportive and excited for me.  What a blessing.  

I told her that I just needed to sit there for a few minutes and freak out.  She said that was fine.

I spent the next few hours finishing up my work, walking on cloud nine.  I went home and spent the evening with my hubby.  We cuddled on the couch and watched television, trying not to think too much about what was happening.

So that's where we are right now.  Our profile is on hold at the agency as we move forward towards a placement.  It's the most unbelievable, exciting, humbling, wonderful and terrifying thing! 

We are still being cautious.  That's why I've struggled with writing this post for 3 weeks.  I want to scream from our rooftop that we are FINALLY going to be parents, but I also want to cover myself in bubble wrap and protect my fragile heart.  Nothing is a sure thing in adoption.  This sweet birth mom could change her mind.  We could be back to square one, waiting, broken.  But it could also be the answer to our years of praying.  It could be perfect.  It could be seamless.  Only time will tell.

We are down to just a few weeks until this baby's due date.  There's much to be done to ready our home and our hearts for a new life. I've been getting a nursery ready, and someday I will share that space with you.  

{Can I tell you that it's pretty much the cutest room you have ever seen??!!}

Some of the more personal details of this story are going to remain personal, but I will try to be as honest and transparent as possible with what I can share.  

Please remember us in your prayers.  Please pray that this birth mom and this baby are healthy, are safe, and are developing perfectly.  Please pray for God's will to be done. I hope God's will is that this is our baby, but I trust Him, and I know that His plan and His timing is perfect.  So we will wait.  We will take careful and guarded steps forward.  And we will rejoice that we serve a God who hears us, who answers prayers, and who loves us beyond measure.