Love and Loss {Part One}

At the beginning of 2013, Kain and I challenged ourselves to "get serious" about adoption.  We were ready to be parents.  We knew that adoption was our plan.  We acknowledged that usually, adoptions don't complete themselves.  It was decided that before my 30th birthday (in March) we would complete the application to the agency we had chosen and start moving toward expanding our family.

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There is a certain doctor's office that most women visit just once a year. I was there. For that appointment. And I was late. I hate being late. Finding a doctor who will take me on as a patient has been difficult because my condition is very rare; an estimated only 2-5 out of 200,000 births. My current doctor is about 50 miles away from home. Being late is sometimes unavoidable, especially when the highway is under construction. 

In my flustered state, I rushed through the doors and went immediately to the reception desk.  I honestly didn't even see her standing there in front of a row of windows.  It was while I was digging through my purse for my insurance card that I first heard her talking. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop.  That's rude, of course.  But, other than the receptionist, she and I were the only people in the silent room.  Even as I tried not to listen, it was impossible not to hear.

I heard her say something about "five months" and "had no idea." I heard her say that "it wouldn't be fair to her other kids" and that it was "so crazy to be able to see a face already." My heart stopped when I heard her say, "I'm not going to kill it, I just want to find it a family that can love it and take care of it."

I was only getting one side of this conversation, and I had walked into the middle of that as it was. But I knew. I knew she had just found out she was pregnant and she was looking for an adoptive family for her baby. And I couldn't help myself. 

I dug through my purse and found a piece of paper, I borrowed a pen from the receptionist who was oblivious to what was happening as she updated my personal information and added my new insurance to my file. I was shaking so badly that I had to start over, but I managed to scribble out

"My husband and I are hoping to adopt. You should call me. Seriously. 

Kate" 

I wrote my phone number on the paper and took a deep breath. Then I turned around and handed it to her just as the receptionist told me to head back to the exam room. I watched her read the note and she looked up at me and said "Thank you. Thank you very much." I smiled, nodded my head and walked through the door to my appointment. 

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